Siera's Personal Essay Draft

I am worried mine is a little didactic. Any suggestions would be great! 

“What else does this craving, and this helplessness, proclaim but that there was once in man a true happiness, of which all that now remains is the empty print and trace? This he tries in vain to fill with everything around him, seeking in things that are not there the help he cannot find in those that are, though none can help, since this infinite abyss can be filled only with an infinite and immutable object; in other words by God himself.” -Blaise Pascal  

I rushed to secure a spot on the hard limestone bench. With 42 people in our class, there was never enough places to sit. My bladder was full, my head ached from exhaustion, and sweat was pooling at my kneecaps and running down my legs, just your typical filed trip. It was Brother Skinner’s turn to instruct us, which I was excited about. I loved his dry humor, his obscure fact knowledge, and his love of Israel that just permeated through everything he said.

            “Behind you, under that church that looks more like a beetle than a place of worship, is the house of Simon Peter. We are almost hundred percent sure that that is the place.” He explained. 

            We walked the expanse of the site, I tried to listen intently to the voice buzzing through my headset as I walked. We had been out almost three months now, and all of the places we went to started to look the same in some ways. Brother Hopkin had encouraged us to go and sit out and look at the sea read a few scriptures and ponder about what we read. After sitting for a few minutes, I knew I needed to walk again, the calming waves of the blue and green sea were putting me to sleep. I walked to the edge of the site back into the synagogue that was built on a synagogue that Christ would have taught in. For a 1000+ year old structure, I would say it was in pretty good shape. The remanence of pillars on either side of me allowed me to imagine the this once was a great room. 

I walked past the synagogue and looked out at the pile of black rocks that was suppose to be the town Capernaum. It was hard to picture houses where there was only two feet high black squares looking more like fort walls of sand castles, crudely constructed. Passing by the black stone town and I walked toward the buglike edifice and peered down at the pentagon shaped rock structure that was suppose to be the Chief Apostles humble home.  

The distance between his home and the first synagogue was significantly small. This was most definitely his home church and those black stones were his hometown. It was small and I imagine it was a pretty close knit community. Brother Skinner had told us that Christ probably spent a lot of time in Capernaum, staying in Peter’s home and teaching at his synagogue. Eventually, he would have organized his church in Peter’s home.  

I thought about all of these as I looked the glass that surrounded his home. Suddenly, I was caught for a moment in what felt like a vision, though I am not sure that’s what I would call it. In my mind’s eye I saw people crowded within the small polygon, hugging each other, talking with each other, and being taught by the Savior. I saw or rather felt, Christ interacting with Peter and his family. Sharing meals with them, helping them around the house, and ministering to them. The intimacy of these moments was almost tangible. I could feel the brotherhood, it was a glow and a warmth that was much different than the sun on my back. Tears filled me eyes. I felt an arm being extended towards me. It said, I wanted you to be a part of this. You are my disciple too. I felt that hole in my heart fill and this feeling mend everything that was broken. 

Growing up in the church, I have always been told that Christ can mend the broken hearted. That we can base our value and worth on Him and He can take away our loneliness. I told people that on my mission, I’ve shared those thoughts with my siblings and friends. Yet, I spent my entire life believing that I wasn’t doing enough to deserve His love. It wasn’t until that moment that I truly believed I was enough.