Buckets's Revision Plan

Content:
I plan on getting rid of the some of the "LDS-only" references, but keep two and add stronger, more general introductions to the references. I'm kicking around the title of Friends at First, Are Friends Again? This is a Joseph Smith quote (question mark added), but sets a good tone for the essay. I also want to make the essays idea better outlined but still not didactic.

Form:
I like the brief vignettes of my old friends matched with brief sentences, but some sentences need to be broadened. Additionally, I'll try to make my signposts clearer--implicit instead of explicit--so the text doesn't get lost and seem to amble about. For the diction, I want to do a better job showing the chasm better ideal relationships and awkward connections.

Visual Design:
The part that I am struggling with most. Dr. Burton and I constructed the idea that I could take a picture of me and my mission trainer and show it again, but blurred and ambiguous. I like this idea, but will keep playing with other photos of friends. I also am going to work with my subheadings, to make them more attractive, and perhaps add one more so that I can avoid a wall of text in the middle of my paper.

Cameron's Belief Sketch

I sit on the school bus, listening to the low hum of the wheels traverse over the smooth black asphalt. The bus is empty and all is quiet as we make our way through the winding turns and elevated streets to a high mountaintop. There is no iPhone to stimulate my preoccupied mind. It’s too dark to do homework. I’m left alone to my thoughts. As the sun begins to rise, the bus makes its ascent to the next stop. Silhouettes of trees fill my vision and line the streets. We live at the base of the foothills in a small town in Northern California. The gears of the bus downshift, continuously pulling the weight of the big yellow automobile up the hill. I begin reflecting on last weekend’s adventures. I see a young boy. The boy looks down at the orange and black plastics that garnish the interior engine of his KTM and appreciation floods over him at the return to the high desert. He’s wearing a helmet, pads, and most importantly, riding boots. He’s got a thirst for speed, at times too much according to the boy’s mother. Excitement flowing through the teen’s body he mounts the maniacal machine. I smile at the memory. Oh, how I long to return to that place, across the Sierra Nevada’s and unto the desert. The bus's brakes screech to a halt. We’ve made it to the first stop at the top of the mountain. From here my gaze floods over the sea of trees at the speed of light. The rolling hills slowly grow into mountains as they reach the Sierra Nevada’s. They stand tall, proud, magnificent. A purplish hue garnishes their majesty, and the serenity of the Holy Ghost fills my mind at the sight of God’s creation. All I can think about is when my beloved bike and I can be united again in our earthly chapel at Moon Rocks, Nevada.