Healed by Writing and The Lord

I have always written, but it wasn't till I dug a little deeper to find my true inner emotions to express that I could understand who I am. With that and the knowledge of my divine nature as a daughter of God that I found myself.

When I served my mission for the Church of Jesus Christ, I literally gave my whole self to the work to the point that I lost myself, but not in a good way. I lost myself in the sense that I suffered in order to help others. Not only did I help others at my expense, but I experienced many traumatic experiences. The experiences left me with emotions that I could not understand and because I could not understand them, I could not explain them to others. Trying to understand, but failing, I eventually gave up on trying to either explain myself to others or explain the emotions I felt to myself in my mind and in my journal. I repressed many intense and destructive emotions along the concourse of the 18 months I was serving. 

Coming home from my mission did not change the way I felt. Because I repressed so many emotions I was constantly and unknowingly anxious and depressed. It took some opening up to be able to understand what exactly I was feeling. After opening up more and more frequently in conversations with close friends, I realized that writing a book about my mission experience was what I needed to do to be healed from all the repressed emotions. I did that. I completed a full book. In the time span of 2 years, I spent countless hours trying to sort out experiences, feelings and emotions in my own mind through writing and communicating with my God. He healed me.

Journaling: The Way I Overcame a Mental Illness

Journaling has healed me in ways nothing else can. During my late high school and early college years I suffered from toxic perfectionism. I worked extremely hard in school, magnified my callings, volunteered, worked a part time job, and was a good friend, yet I never felt like I was doing enough. Those feels hit their apex when I was on my mission. I was working the hardest I have ever worked in my life, yet I still felt completely worthless. hroughout this time and the hard months that followed, I received lots of council and guidance from people who loved and supported me. Looking back, their advice was good, but my mind was too clouded from this mental illness for me to comprehend it. It wasn’t until I started journaling my thoughts, feelings, and experiences that I was able to make any real progress. It shifted my perspective and helped me detached myself from my own detrimental thought processes. Even now, I continue to use journaling as a means to express myself and process my emotions and experiences. It’s been the way I have been able to see Gods hand in my life and feel confident in my abilities and move forward in my uncertainty.