Wednesday, October 9, 2019

Three Scenes from Julie's Life


1. The air is tense as I hold their breath. The combined aroma of salty sea air and clam chowder waft through the air. Boats glide through the bay, bathed in the silvery light of a full moon. The player steps up to home plate in his bright orange uniform, ready to hit the home run that will save the Giants--

He swings. And misses. “Sheesh-kebab,” the grizzled man in front of me curses, reaching out for his third cup of beer. I silently agree.

2. An explosion of sounds erupts throughout the house: cries, laughter, screams, tantrums. I Facetime my dad so that he can watch the celebration, but any attempts at talking are drowned out in the sea of nieces and nephews. Jenny brings out a Trolls-themed birthday cake for Oaklie, my sixth and youngest niece, that glimmers with three candles. The family cheers as the candles go out. “I’ll call you when I can actually hear you,” I tell my dad as Oaklie runs over to me to ask if I want to play a game.

3. “Are you excited to go back home to Utah next week?” Dad asks me. I lower my seat and roll down the windows. Cool evening air flows into the car. Outside I can hear crickets sing.

“Utah can wait,” I say, wrapping myself in a blanket. We open the sunroof and sit in contented silence. Above, there’s a bright beam of light as a meteor streaks across the sky.

4 comments:

  1. I really like your scene setting in entry 3. I thought the dialogue you use is very effective because you don't answer your father's question directly, instead you build the scene and then respond to him. Its awesome and very well done!

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  2. I like the inner dialogue going on. It helps the reader get even more insight as to what you are thinking and feeling.

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  3. I read the second one and i can relate completely. I love how you used details to completely capture what was going on in that moment.

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  4. I liked your first scene. It is unusual and leaves me curious about what happens next.

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