Dirt. musty granules infiltrate my nostrils. It's everywhere. Hugging the Chassis. Glazing the hood. One foot plunges into the arid soil, the other resides in the filthy truck. To my left a coyote chases an antelope. On my immediate right, starched bones adorn the ground. The GPS thinks we're in Washington. Wrong. I shake the dirt out of it. Now we're in Washington D.C. Also wrong. The fuel gauge is thirsty. I shrug and pop some more seeds in between my gums and cheeks. Shells cascade onto weeds. Noxious weeds.
2.
He sprints for the trolley. She sits unaware. I sob uncontrollably, the tissue box now hollow. He clutches his chest and folds. Stoic passersby amplify the tragedy. I scream as the orchestra refrain begins. Like candlelight, "The End" boldly appears, then fades out the TV screen.
Darkness surrounds me. a digitalized 1:00 AM floats in the air. I am alone. Unsatisfied. Quivering lips utter vain words. "Yuri... you idiot."
3.
In an alien room and scratchy gown, a clock ticks religiously. My eyes gyrate, absorbing the surroundings. I am a floating head in a sea of sheets. The adjacent world still resides on a separate plane. Curiosity grips me. "Where is my body?" I throw the covers and gown and identify a fluffy lump of gauze resting on my abdomen. My memory returns. I glance at the embarrassed nurse. I weigh one appendix less today.
I really enjoyed your second entry--I am able to visualize everything, and I liked how you paralleled the various features of the scene (ex. the TV screen).
ReplyDeleteI love the rhythm created from the short phrases you use at the end of the second scene, as they characterize the sudden end to your dream. I also liked the more lighthearted way you chose to end the third scene.
ReplyDeleteI like all of your scenes, but i think its cool the literary techniques you use in your first entry. I like that you use metonomy when saying "the fuel gauge is thirsty" when you could have easily said my gas tank was empty. Throughout, your entry, using anaphora is very stylish and interesting. For example when you say Dirt, you don't just leave it at that, you say, "Dirt. musty granules..." or "shells cascade onto weeds. Noxious weeds." I think it works really well here.
ReplyDeleteI also really like the second scene! It was really relatable. I like that you put yourself with in the movie, because that it is how it feels sometimes.
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