1. Spencer touches the Giants cap on his head for good luck. He picks up a bowling ball and turns toward Dad. “How much will you give me if I can score a strike with my left hand?”
Dad snorts. “Twenty bucks.” Grinning, Spencer saunters up to the lane and throws the ball with ease. We hear the clack as the ball collides with the pins, scattering them in all directions. He turns around.
“How much will you give me if I do it a second time?”
2. Dad’s eyes dash back and forth between the tv and his phone. One is flashing a report about the stock market while the other is displaying an exciting baseball game. He turns the stove off and heaps our plates with vegetables. We take a bite, pleased with ourselves for producing such a healthy lunch. Then Dad says, “Eh, I can start my diet tomorrow. Do you want to go get some See’s after this?”
3. Freshly baked bread is not an uncommon aroma in our apartment. Every day Chloe strides into the kitchen, her thick hair pulled back in a bun. Curly strands of hair frame her face as she kneads dough. Yesterday it was sourdough with braided ropes of dough circling the loaf. Today she expertly forms her dough in the shape of a rose. After the bread's in the oven, her eyes light up with excitement as she moves on to her next project: putting together a colorful quilt.
I can't help but personally relate to your second, as it reminds me of my own family.
ReplyDeleteI love the sound in the first one. It really puts the reader in the story! The dialogue is beautiful . I like the 3rd one where you talk about your roommate's hair then braided bread, very aesthetically pleasing!
ReplyDeleteThe third one paints a beautiful scene of a person and their interests. As reader, the description provides a scene that I feel like I am a part of. Well done!
ReplyDeleteI like the second one because it paints an image of who I think your dad is going to be and then it completely changes with the last sentence. Also like Ana said: relatable.
ReplyDeleteThese images are all so relatable and that's great. You used images and moments and voices that make me feel really familiar with what you're saying and it's easy to feel invested in these people.
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