"By My Own Hand": Journaling my Christian Life

Some of my personal journals
next to my father's biography.

My father titled his biography By My Own Hand, echoing Nephi's phrase from the Book of Mormon. The two of us spent many long hours going over drafts of his chapters, giving us many occasions to discuss his long and interesting life. I'll never forget how he came to terms with some pretty tough stuff (a failed first marriage, disappointments in business, betrayal by a partner, etc.) while composing his life story. He recorded so many kind thoughts about others, plus small triumphs and regular joys. His life writing made me proud to be his son.

Dad achieved an honesty, an authenticity, about his life by reflecting upon it and committing it to words. That drive to know the truth, and at the same time to be humble about one's own complicated thoughts and choices -- this is something that characterizes religious seekers, not just authors. It could refer to Joseph Smith, or St. Augustine, or my father -- or me.

By my own hand I write with a fountain pen in journal after journal, at times just chronicling the events of my life and family, and at times sounding the depths of what I believe, facing feelings, or talking to God, or reaching for answers. I really can't divide my religious faith and devotion from the literacy that has been ingrained in me. Journal writing connects me to family, to God, and to my most real self.

Journal writing is integral to the reflective and covenant life to which I am committed to as a Christian. Such personal writing has been for me both joyful and painful, creative and cringe-worthy -- a way of collecting myself and of shedding or shaping thoughts. It is a way to honor the people I love, to preserve the powerful insights I've received, and it is both a refuge and an adventurous mode of repentance.