Spider-Web Ties and Double Stuf Oreos

“You can’t get away from yourself by moving from one place to another.” 

Ernest Hemingway

Milk is poured and drank in one gulp.

   
   Everything that you do not expect to happen will happen. Someone will call you and manipulate you into giving them thousands of dollars over the phone. You will do it. You will do it in spite of that feeling you have in the pit of your gut that it might be fraudulent. With a chilling fear down your spine, you continue blindly until it is too late. 

Insufficient funds and one sleeve of Oreos eaten.

  You will have a hard time returning to that bank. With the artifacts from that incident stuffed under your bed, they will haunt you like a ghost in your dreams. For days after, you will jump when people unexpectedly, but harmlessly come too close to you. 

Second sleeve of Oreos gone.

  You will date a guy and he will kiss you on the first date. He will heal your heart that was stolen from, but you will fall harder than you ever had before. He will tell you he isn’t good enough for you, but you will still go out with him. One day, you will realize he was right. You will stop talking to him and try to go after what you deserve, but you will still miss him.

Empty box of Oreos.

   The boy that broke your heart six months ago will come back. You will fall for him again. And guess what? He won’t just come back, but he will break your heart again. Did you see that coming? I didn’t. 

New box of Oreos and two sleeves eaten.

   One day you will find someone who is worth pursuing but he won’t have much time for you. At first you will convince yourself that he is the love of your life, but then you'll realize he had been leading you on the whole time. You'll wonder if any of it was real at all. You will get bored and lonely. Seeking company, evil will find you. Yes, another boy.

Trampled. 

Crunch. Another box of Oreos gone. 

   Foot on the brake, hand on the key, with a twist of my wrist, I was on my way. With one 

hand on the wheel turning it left, I saw the shadow of an unknown creature with eight legs on my windshield. His presence was as calm as mine. This arachnid and I weren’t as different as it seemed at the time. Like that spider, I stand calm in the presence of fear. Pulling to the side of the street, I prepared myself for his execution. Looking around my car for the best method of lethal impalement, I remembered the ring doused in the space of the cup holder beside me. It was a large, silver and solid ring scratched by the woes of life of another. I picked it up between my thumb and two first fingers and brought all my focus to the victim in front of me. Not wanting to fracture my windshield, the first blow was light and slow only to get the animal where I wanted him. In that moment, the intensity in the vehicle increased dramatically. Panic was in the air and pumping through my veins in fear of loosing my prey. When he reached the target area and after two attempts to kill him, the spider took its last steps in his earthy life and was squished between two hard matters. Rest in peace web slinging soul.  

  Standing larger and taller than that innocent being that day, I felt a power that I do not feel today. Today I feel as if the spider and I have swapped bodies. That instead of me, myself claiming victory over death, I have been shattered by the unprecedented pressures of life. The pressures of self doubt, expectation, misconception, mistakes, heartache, trauma, fear, anger, anguish and panic are a few feelings that the spider and I share in common. The day I squished that spider, I did not empathize with it as I do now.